Perspective

So today I volunteered at the Preble Street Soup Kitchen here in Portland. I have always felt enormous sympathy for these people that I walk past everyday and tonight I wanted to do something about it. 

Earlier this year I gave my breakfast to a troubled looking man sitting on a bench. Turns out he wasn't homeless at all and was just waiting for a ride. Not sure who that was more awkward for. Probably him. Homeboy needed a shower in a big way.

Second time around...I stopped my car in the middle of a heavy traffic area to throw a homeless man a banana just to hear him tell me, "I don't LIKE bananas!!" and throw it back in my face. 

Third time around.... I gave a woman an apple and after walking away from her I looked back and watched her throw it away. 

I've come to realize that these people do not want food. Regardless, tonight was very eye opening. My job at the soup kitchen tonight was serving dessert and counting the amount of people that came through the buffet line for the state census. There were 396 people that came through tonight. And Portland is a very tiny city. 

Things that surprised me:

1. The amount of food that soup kitchens give out. Nobody homeless in this city is hungry. Fact.

2. The number of children with black eyes and cut up little bodies. Broke my heart to see such young people with so much pain in their lives already. There needs to be a social worker at the end of that buffet line. I have never felt more helpless. 

3. How PICKY the homeless are with food. These people have nothing but don't want salad or grapes or pasta or fruit salad. They are upset with free mac and cheese and demand meat. They want their bread with butter and garlic and won't eat it plain. They want their salad without vegetables. Some just want croutons. 

While I was slopping half baked lemon bars onto peoples plates I found myself staring off into space and thinking about life (so perhaps my plate count of 396 may be inaccurate).... but I just got so sad thinking about how many people in this world are struggling.

I know we all have our own issues and I don't think any of our problems should be trivialized just because there are people out there worse off but I think those of us who have a bed to sleep in tonight and food to cook tomorrow should realize how lucky we are. 

Crazy world we live in. 

The Way Life Should Be

Let's flashback to Memorial Day weekend....

Though the weather was not ideal for beachin (blessing in disguise seeing as I am NOT beach body ready), my best friends from Camp Kieve and I all ventured out to Nantucket for a weekend full of $10 beers, peach colored pants, slow ferries, arrogant frat boys, sweaty dance floors and boat parties. Nantucket is one of those places you can easily mock for obvious reasons but aside from the typical over served "bro", it truly is a beautiful place and I was quite happy to have chosen to spend my weekend there with old friends. We were actually way more responsible than I would have imagined. Most nights we were in bed before midnight. A sure sign of the mid-twenty weirds...

Ferry ride to Nantucket, MA

Leaving Nantucket :(

Kieve.

What's funny about friends from Kieve is that no matter how much time has passed, every time I see them, it's as if nothing has changed. Nobody has a filter in what they have to say, nobody cares about walking around naked, and nobody will judge you when you wake up with bags of cookies stuck to your face. There's definitely something to be said for friends like that. 

I've noticed this in my Colorado ranch friends as well. What is it about working and living so closely with people that you literally become family?? It's something that I am so incredibly grateful for and the time I get to spend here in Portland with my ranch roomies and friends is time that I truly cherish. Special shout out to Hannah, Zach and Laura. It's so nice to have family away from home.

Anyways, this weekend was perfect. Friday afternoon was spent on Scarborough Beach and then Friday evening got together with my two favorite Hannah's at one of our go-to Portland spots - Local 188. On Saturday morning we took a ferry from Portland to Long Island for a friend's birthday and had a day full of wiffle ball, lax, lime-a-ritas, puppies and catching up with Maine friends. And today, before we allowed the "Sunday weirds" to hit us, Hannah, Zach, Laura and I all drove up the coast to Bailey Island where we went on walks, skipped stones, crushed some lobster rolls, treated ourselves to ice cream and took advantage of this beautiful state we live in.

Scarborough Beach State Park, Maine 

 

Hannah and I at Local 188

Long Island, Maine 

Bailey Island, Maine 

Life is good. 

Strangers

Went for a run to the East End tonight just in time for a perfect sunset. Out of breath and wanting to sit down for a hot sec, I went to Standpipe Park, a tiny park on the hill that overlooks the entire city. I don't know why this place is never crowded because there is not another view of Portland like it. Anyways, as I walked up to the park, I noticed a few empty benches and one bench occupied by an older man. Not sure why I felt drawn to the bench with a stranger but for one reason or another I sat down next to him. His name was Stan. He was 84 and he was the kindest, most sincere man that I have met in a long time. We started out with small talk (beauty of the night's sky, why Portland is so wonderful...blah blah blah) but then he began opening up to me. How he ended up here. His children. His grandchildren. The loves of his life. How he has seen the world change. 

It was so refreshing to sit down and talk to a complete stranger (who is not a therapist). I guess I will never know if Stan opens himself up to everyone or if we both ended up on that bench for a reason tonight but I learned a great deal from him today. He told me about World War II and Vietnam. I told him what Facebook was. He told me how much he hated frozen yogurt. I told him how girls these days can't afford to eat real ice cream. He told me that he wished music was different in this city. I told him what a hipster was. He told me that he is not scared of dying. I told him that was my biggest fear. He told me about his last love who just passed away. I told him about a love I had lost in a different way. He told me to never stop believing in the good in the world. I told him I never would. 

Happiness

Earlier this year, an older friend of mine had told me that she kept a journal of the things in life that make her happy. She would try to write one thing each day and encouraged me to do the same. She told me "if you ever have a crappy day, it is so nice to look back at all that you're grateful for". Today was a rainy afternoon in Portland and while I wasn't particularly sad or having a bad day, after cleaning up my room I decided to glance at the list that I have been pulling together over the course of the past few months. My friend was right, it really does make you instantly happy. I suggest everyone do this: 

The smell of candles after you blow them out, cars flashing you letting you know there is an animal/cop ahead, red wine, twizzlers, eating cereal at night, Friday night lights, fireplaces, frozen yogurt, Christmas carols, the smell of new clothes, champagne for no reason, boots, thunderstorms, Sundays, taking pictures, Super Bowl, flannels, sleeping in, apple cider, seasonal febreezes, rainbows, cheese, Maine, Rockefeller center at Christmas time, titanic (the movie) NyQuil induced comas, spending hours getting ready just because you can, kids, fall, home, catching a fish, telling someone you love them, weddings, leftovers, compliments, warm socks, New York bagels, movie trailers, snow days, spending all day in a book store, new friends, the smell of sunscreen, flavor ice, broadway musicals, texting, finishing a book, guacamole, puppies, cooking, mini golf, seeing someone you haven't seen in awhile and having nothing be different, Sex and the City, Dunkin donuts pumpkin spice latte, country music, random bursts of motivation, sandwiches, getting mail, lakes, Disney movies, Holidays, fireworks, fortune cookies, poker, FRIENDS (tvshow), Christmas cookies, Colorado, doctors appts that end with good news or no news, draft beer, first day of spring that actually feels like spring, lemonade stands, returning abandoned shopping carts so other people don't have to, Tim Riggins,  Pearl Harbor (the movie), tops of muffins (not to be confused with muffin tops), train rides, coffee, the sound of ice cream trucks, birthdays, pedicures, road trips, listening to songs on repeat until you kill them, hot sauce, family, hearing "auld lang syne" at midnight on new years eve, snow, BBQs, palm trees, greeting cards, sledding, a clean room,  bonfires, skiing, adam levine, giving gifts, Sunday fundays, camp, icing, boogie boards, looking at old pictures, checking your bank account statement and seeing you have more money than you thought, babies, smell of rain, sushi, roller coasters, silver linings, beach days, making friendship bracelets, outlet shopping, dark and stormys, re-watching old seasons of shows that are so bad but you feel so good watching like The OC or Laguna Beach, arts and crafts, towels right out of the dryer, traveling....

Many more additions to the list in the months to come.....

Happy Sunday :)

Life lately.

Seeing as it's been over a year since my last blog post, I decided to get back in the game. A lot has happened in the past 14 months. After returning back to the states after 6 months in the “land of the long white cloud”, I headed back out to Colorado for one final summer at the 4UR Ranch. It's hard to explain it unless you've been a part of the 4UR family, but there is no place like it. If you ever have a summer off and want to do something different, there is nowhere else I would recommend for a summer “job” (except maybe Camp Kieve).

Life at the 4UR Ranch

Anyways, last summer was full of ups and downs but I can never complain about a life at the 4UR. Caught lots of fish, hiked the Colorado mountains, rode beautiful horses, road tripped to Aspen quite a few times, became a newly single lady, and most importantly met some amazing new friends. As the season was coming to an end, I started to think about where I was going to go next. For a while, I was pretty set on moving to Aspen but for one reason or another, my gut instinct (the morning I was going to move my stuff up there) told me not to do it. I guess I just know myself enough to know that I would have gotten in a lot of trouble in that ski town.  Those of you who really know me would probably agree.

So I went back home to good ol’ dirty jerz to see the fam and take my time figuring out what I really wanted to do. I thought about taking the GRE in hopes of going back to school for counseling but then quickly realized how much I did NOT want to go back to school, let alone take a standardized test. I then thought maybe about just working in higher education in an administrative role so I wouldn’t necessarily have to go back to school. To say the least, I was very confused this fall.

My birthday this year was quite eventful. Not sure why my birthday has been so cursed the past few years...last year was the epic October blizzard and this year was Hurricane Sandy. It was scary as hell being in the heart of such a terrible storm. My yard, my town, and my state were a mess. I think we were without power for about 14 days.

Hurricane Sandy Aftermath 

After about 10 days, I couldn't stand reading another book or organizing my room anymore so I miraculously found a train that was running from NJ to Boston and hopped on it and started making my way towards Portland, Maine. Hannah (my sidekick the past few years) and I decided to visit our favorite ginger friend (Laura) for the weekend since she just moved up there. During that visit, Hannah and I decided that since neither of us had a plan, why not just move there? Sometimes rash decisions end up being the best kind.

It all seemed to work out too perfectly after stumbling upon a beautiful, affordable apartment. (Does anyone else pay $550 a month for a two story apartment with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, granite/stainless steel kitchen, dishwasher, washer and dryer, and free parking spaces?) It's astonishing that this hidden gem of a city isn’t full of poor college graduates from all over the country. I guess that’s part of the reason it’s so underrated….it is somewhat of a secret (unless you follow me on Instagram).

Home sweet home 

When I first began the job hunt in Portland, I was still in the mindset of working at a college in the area. To be honest, I don’t even know why I thought that was what I wanted to do. I think I was just lost and wanted to pick something and stick with it. After many applications and interviews at colleges in Maine, I began to get discouraged. Then I remembered that my former boss from Camp Kieve had given me a whole list of Portland contacts in the area so I just started emailing everyone on the list. A week or so later, I got an email back from a Kieve dad who had worked at LLBean for 10 years or so and just started his own branding agency in a co-working space in the Old Port. One thing led to another and for almost 6 months now I’ve been working with some of Portland’s most creative professionals. I’ve gotten the chance to work with a photo shoot producer, a product designer, a creative director, a graphic designer, an architect, and a marketing and branding strategist and I truly could not feel more blessed.

During this time, I have realized that I in no way, shape or form want to work at a school. I need to be doing something creative and working with such a wide variety of talented professionals is slowly helping me find my path. It’s funny how things work out and somehow you wake up one day and feel like you are exactly where you’re meant to be.

This past summer, I was in a bad place. Those who were with me this summer know that “bad” would be an understatement. After going through a brutal break up, not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do…it was hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I am SO incredibly thankful for that breakup and for all those school jobs that I didn’t get.  It’s so easy to get discouraged and down on yourself especially in this time of what I like to call the “Mid-20 Weirds”. It’s a confusing stage of our lives. You start to realize which friends were just friends by circumstance and which are worth holding onto. You seem to question every decision you make. Every time you sign on to Facebook, someone else you know is engaged or having a baby and you start to compare your life to those around you. “Should I be in a serious relationship by now? Should I be in a job that will become my career? Am I even REALLY living right now? Will I be able to afford food this month?”

Seems to me that there is no point in questioning anything that has happened in the past or worry about the future. I think you have to trust that the universe is leading you on the path that you are meant to be on. That may seem like a cliché thing to say and I suppose it is. But clichés are clichés for a reason. An idea so overused has to hold at least some truth to it.

So for now, I am not going to think about yesterday and I will not waste a second thinking about tomorrow. There are no guarantees in this beautiful mess of a world that we live in. We have all felt discouraged, disappointed, hopeless, scared, and alone at some point in our lives. But it’s been scientifically proven that worrying is 110 percent pointless. Seems ya gotta just trust the universe and “let it be”.

All you friends that have been asking about my tattoo can now probably figure out what it is. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend :) 

Portland, Maine.

Back to Murchison

Kaikoura